Ice Climbing – Will I like it?
By Dave McCormick
During my wanderings in cyberspace I have come across a number of comments about ice climbing. They’re compiled here for your enjoyment and possible education....
A newcomer to the sport asks……
"I have been climbing for 4 or 5 years, but never ice climbing. My question is: what is it like? Is it like slowly climbing a rather chilly ladder? Or is there a lot of technique just like rock climbing? I'm trying to figure out if it would be something I should investigate further. I would hate to spend a lot a time/money and find out it is not for me."
A day or so later……..
"I suggest finding a friend or guide who will take you out for a day so you can experience it without the initial outlay of a $1000 for gear (plus winter clothes if you don't have them). That's what I did, and I swear that I was in love with the first swing of the axe. 'Great' I thought while climbing, 'Another thing to sink my cash into.' Totally addictive! In the beginning it tends to be a little more brute force than rock, but it does require technique and finesse. Plus you get to kick the shit out of stuff with dangerous weapons!!!"
Shortly after…..
"Much better than rock. Ice is pretty and translucent on a sunny day. Sometimes colours of green, blue, and yellow (even naturally like that). You don't have to rely on the holds you are given, you can make your own so anything is possible. You get to use sharp dangerous equipment with Macho names like Rambos, Switchblades, Superfangs, Cobra's, Black Prophets, and Predators. It has a great reputation for bodily trauma, serious injury, and death. What could be better?
Try it. You'll love it."
An alternative viewpoint weighs in……
"It's really cold and sometimes wet so it's probably best if you don't bother."
And, finally, how to "really" find out if this is for you……..
"1. Ask, read, and lose as much sleep as possible wondering what style of ice gear is right for you.
2. Bring your VISA card to your closest climbing store and spend all of next year's disposable income on equipment that somebody in rec.climbing recommended based on hearsay.
3. Hide the gear at home and try to control the fear that the thought of "your wife finding out that you just spent $3K that you didn't have" will bring to your heart.
4. Using a 10 lb frozen sea bass, smash the backside your fingers until you can't hold the frozen carcass any longer.
5. In front of an open refrigerator, strip to your underwear, place 10 or 12 ice cubes around your testicles, pour a gallon of cold water over your head, and repeat "Man... This is f*cking great!".
6. Tie yourself to a massive object just under the balconies of your local retirement home, display a sign that reads "Save my future... Reduce Social Security benefits now!", and try to survive the barrage of large hurling objects coming your way.
7. Ask your neighbor to tie his Rottweiler with a shoelace at the other side of a 4 foot fence. Smack the dog a couple of times and repeat "If the string breaks, the fence will hold him back... the fence will hold... the fence will hold..."
8. Call in sick Friday morning. Jump in the car with a couple of guys with questionable personal hygiene and drive for 8 hours straight. Get out of the car, realize that there is no ice to be climbed and return home still feeling exited about the prospects for ice climbing the next weekend.
9. Find out, from your new friends, that half of the gear that you bought in step #2 is really worthless and that "...only "Posers" and "Wankers" buy that stuff".
and finally …….
10. Over a romantic dinner, tell your wife that she will be "on her own" for Thanksgiving, XMAS, New Year's, Valentine’s Day, multiple weekends, and Easter Break, because you will be driving "out west" with "the guys".
If you can satisfy the requirements stated above, ice climbing may be for you."
Good Luck